2025-05-13
Those in even the best of relationships can struggle sometimes. Take a long-term relationship for example, let’s say 10 years together. Will this couple be happy with every aspect of their coupledom? Or will they, like the majority of us, have those ‘he/she never helps me in the kitchen’ moments, or those ‘she/he doesn’t seem to want sex any more’.
It’s surprising that no matter how long a couple are together, there are times when they forget to do the single most important thing to get their wants and needs known…talk. Communicating with your person is underrated. It seems easier to voice discontent about how often it’s you that washes up, does the ironing, reads to the kids than to ask your partner to help. To those who say that they shouldn’t have to ask, I beg to differ. In a world that moves so swiftly and involves so much - commuting, long working hours, busy social lives, houses and cars to take care of - never mind the work involved in caring for our offspring and possibly parents or other family members - there is no harm in taking a few minutes to express how you feel about being supported with some of the more mundane household chores.
As for our sexual relationships, it seems bizarre that from those heady early days where we can’t keep our hands off of each other, we can end up not wanting to get undressed with the lights on, avoiding touching bare skin as we slide under the covers, faking sleep to cover the embarrassing silence. What I have learned from my work with couples is that when we stop finding the time to talk to each other about our wants and needs, it’s almost as if we revert back to the start of the relationship. Some tips then, for when we reach that stalemate situation:
* If there is a medical problem that is affecting your feelings about sex, seek help from your GP. Don’t suffer in silence or ignore it - for both your sakes.
* Go out for a meal or a drink together, making the effort to impress, and find a secluded spot where you can talk without being overheard.
* Leave your phones and tablets where you’re not tempted to sit and scroll. Don’t get them out when you’re out for a drink or dinner and certainly don’t take them into the bedroom.
And finally, as well as you know each other over time in a relationship, it’s unlikely that you will actually be able to read each other’s minds. So go on, talk.